People have been asking me about Coldplay… And I’ve been putting off writing about it, even though I knew I should, because they kind of broke my heart… And I spent some time getting over it – didn’t want to write about it while I was still upset. And after that – I didn’t really want to come back to it. So I didn’t… But alas!
One or two days after I wrote them I got a pop up for my inbox – and saw that I had a letter from Coldplay!!! I got so excited – I contemplated opening it a bit later – just because I wasn’t sure I was prepared to deal with the full intensity of emotions then and there. It would divide my life into the before and after, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to get caught in that whirlwind just yet – I was actually trying to take a nap!!! I was torn!
But of course I opened it and here’s what it was:
Thanks for sharing that. Please print off the attachment for Niko!
(see attachment below)
Immediately – I wasn’t sure what to think… I wasn’t sure what I had wanted in the first place so – how could I evaluate whether or not my expectations had been met?
By lunch time I started to feel really bummed, and even offended.
I envisioned the person getting my email – reading it several times through, tears running down their face. The ugly kind of cry with a “this is so beautiful!!!” and something running out of their nose. And them forwarding it to everyone and printing out a bunch of copies and hanging them up in the elevators and various bulletin boards throughout the office. (do people that read the Coldplay fan mail work in a special fan mail office?? Or do they work from home, all by themselves, with no one around them to share beautiful emotions with? I have no idea, but it kind of seems like the latter option, huh?) and then at the next meeting – they read it out loud and cry all together, and they’re so happy and sad at the same time, they’re not sure what’s happening to them. It’s like they’re experiencing the emotional equivalent of the “umami” flavor…
Somehow something in her response suggested to me – that was not the case what so ever… In fact – I wasn’t even sure if she had read the whole thing!
If a mother tells you she’s been living for a year in a cold reality of the fact that her child may die soon, and now has tubes sticking out of his chest through which he gets toxic drugs that have taken his hearing among many other life attributes that will be normal for millions of other people – you don’t tell her “thank you for sharing”. What the hell is that!!?
But again – can I really get upset if I didn’t ask for anything specific?
I’m not even really sure if I want to bring him to that concert – it will start at his bedtime… It’s over an hour away. He’ll probably fall asleep in the car on the way there… And then what – I have to wake him up? And we already have tickets for ourselves so – how would that work?… Etc.
Would it be a big deal for them to do something and set up a seat for him somewhere – probably not…
But – meeting them earlier in the day – driving all the way out there for that and then all the way back to drop him off at home – and head there again – logistically – that’s a night mare! And he’s 3, he’s shy.. I’m not sure he even really cares or has any concept of famous people.
And it’s not like I’m going to say – my kid is sick. Do something awesome for him! Of course – I think he deserves to have awesome experiences, and I will give him as many as I can but – there are infinite possibilities even without this one.
Do I think every child fighting cancer deserves to meet his or her favorite band – of course.
Are they his favorite band? I’m not sure he knows what a band is really… He’s 3, he’s just getting into poop jokes…
I don’t want it to be more for me than for him!! And – I think he’ll be perfectly fine without it..
So I guess the reason I am bummed – isn’t because I didn’t get some nice and special offer – I wanted to thank some people, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart and soul, and I don’t feel like my words were passed on to the people they were meant for…